There's a phrase we all toss around. I'm Stressed.
My family has a lot of stress. We share a child with another family. She has a lot of medical problems, and in all honesty, it is more of a burden than I expected. We are broke all of the time. Right now we are not getting much sleep. It's tax season, so Mr Lemon and I are like two ships passing in the night, so that we don't have to (often) get a babysitter. My Grandma is facing cancer. I have guilt that I didn't get Pinky out of the carseat when we stopped in to visit her on our way home that one night, so Grandma didn't get to hold her newest great-granddaughter.
Over the last two months, I have not been the most pleasant person to live with. I know that. I'm so tired of my own rotten attitude, and I just keep saying I'm Stressed. When will I not be Stressed? I ask that almost every day.
Yesterday we had an terrible, horrible, no good, really bad day. We both went around with a chip on our shoulders, just spoiling for a fight. You know. THAT kind of day.
At the end of the day in which we griped at each other all.the.day.long, Mr Lemon said that phrase I'm Stressed. All of a sudden, a deep thought occurred to me. It is so acceptable to say I'm Stressed, but what we really mean is another word that has an S, E, and D in it.
scared
So what I actually mean is ... I'm scared that I will not have the kind of relationship that I had hoped for with my stepdaughter. I'm scared that we'll never be able to just go buy the curtains I want any old time. I'm scared that the sleep deprivation will rob me of enjoying my babies. I'm scared that Mr Lemon and I will lose sight of our love in all the work that raising a family takes. I'm scared that my Grandma will die, and I won't be by her side.
hello, blog. Did I say all that out loud?
When did I forget that God has not given me fear? When did I lose sight of the victory that God has already won for me? There's another word with an S, E, and D in it that gives me the hope that I need to continue - saved. Being saved doesn't deliver me from every day life, but it does give me the strength that I need to get through it all.
It's not going to be all roses and sunshine, but God will not leave me. He will not put more on me than I can handle. I can trust Him to hold my hand, even when He is silent.
I am choosing to not give in to fear, but to hold tight to the hope of my salvation.
16 comments:
Wow. Just wow. Beautifully said. Thanks.
Bless your heart. You are also TIRED. Let's face it, adding a second baby can wipe you out. Yes, having a second child is wonderful and you wouldn't change having her for the world, but it's not easy to keep it all together. What' you're going through is normal -- the worry, the sleep deprivation, everything. I think anyone with more than one child would tell you the same thing.
Hang in there, and ask friends for a little help now and then. Just having an hour or two to yourself every now and then can do wonders! I'm sure your friends would love to watch those sweet babies for a couple of hours while you take a little while to regroup -- see a matinee, take a nap, whatever you need.
Don't forget to take of yourself! :)
I think that Mr. and Mrs. Lemon need to take a 12-24 hour break. Arrange a babysitter (Grandparents and Aunts generally jump at the chance) and take a break. A 24 hour break would be ideal because you could get a nice! 10! hour! nap and still have time for dinner, a movie, or just time to sit in a quiet house. Your kids often need a break from you just as much as you need a break from them...so don't feel like you're having to "abandon" them just so you can catch a breather. It'll make you a better mommy and a better wife.
If you really can't etch out even 12 hours, at least send them off for a couple of hours so that you can have some quiet time with each other at home. It's a necessity.
praying for you. been going through my own crisis lately and have seen prayers answered. so i will uplift you in prayer daily.
Liz, I'm with the other ladies who commented here. Looking back to the early years in our marriage when we were both working fulltime, new parents, stepmom to a 16 year old delinquent boy who was living with us, so involved at church adn just feeling stretched to the limit and worn out ALL of the time......I would have taken more time off, even if it was for just a few hours in a day. I would have taken the baby to my sisters more often or to a friends for a few hours. Just a few hours can make such a difference. It is such a necessity.
And, no, the babies won't suffer any irrepairable damage because they are away from you all for a few hours. (Though our guilty consciences would try to tell us so.)
((HUGS)) I'll be praying for you and your sweet husband and family.
Amen.
You are doing well! You are being real, being honest, and taking Christ as the only real solution.
(Also, keep an eye on yourself - and ask a good friend or Mr Lemon to watch...don't let this tip you into an unrecognized post partum depression, okay?)
In the meantime, hang in there. You are a trooper!
I think you just put what will be my feelings in a few weeks into actual words. I'm praying for you. On the upside: remember that stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS so go ahead and have some! :) Wish I were closer, so I could try to help out!
((HUGS)) It will all work out just fine. Trust me on this.
I love you. I wish that I lived closer so that I could take those sweet babies home with me for a while to give you a break. But I am just a phone call away and I know what it feels like to go through unbelievable stress, along with postpartum depression. (Not saying that that is what you are dealing with, but I agree with cjoy ... don't let it become that). Remember that you have lots of people who love you and are praying for you. Miss you!
Amen, friend. AMEN.
Hugs to you!!! May God continue to give you the peace of heart as you de-stress yourself from a wonderful blending family.
Waht a beautiful post! So well put! We can all relate... we all have different stories, but not different feelings!
Love your honesty and God is truly the only thing that keeps us going. I know without a doubt I would have cracked a long time ago (some people think I have anyway). I can completely relate to this post and I am praying for you.
{{HUGS}}}
Thank you Luv, I needed to read this today. Not yesterday and not the day before but TODAY.
This is probably one of the best posts I've read in a long, long time. Cried about being scared, and felt so good about being saved. It is true - just gotta have a little trust and hope. Life is good and we are blessed in so many ways. Thank you for writing this so wonderfully.
WOW... needed this... thank you very much ;)
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