Doctors are human too

"He's not measuring like we want to see at his gestational age."

Those are words even an experienced parent does not want to hear.  

This 20 week ultrasound was not comparing right to the 15 week check up we had a few weeks ago.  The doctor threw around terms like absent end diastolic flow. Stillbirth. Perinatalogist. Level 2 ultrasound.

In plain English, they were saying he wasn't growing right because of reduced blood flow.  

I have been fortunate to never have been through a miscarriage, or the loss of a child of any age. I just found out it's a boy, and I'm already supposed to say goodbye? 

So confused.

The rest of the day was kind of numb. Chris and I talked a little, I hugged Zachary and Gracie extra hard. It was a beautiful day for Zachary to run around outside, and it made my heart ache to think he wasn't getting a brother to share it with after all.  I looked back in the van on the way to church and it stunned me to realize, "that empty spot for the carseat might remain empty."

Pastor had special prayer for me last night during service.  I immediately felt the Lord remind me of 1 Timothy 2:7, and I was strengthened by the prayers and support of my church family.  

Today I woke up, still encouraged, and I decided to live my life today as if that piece of crappy news had never been handed to us. I thanked the Lord that Zachary will get his wish to share his room with the new baby (even if it's not his "dister" - he's been insisting that "it's a girl one"). I thanked the Lord that my sweet friend Tasha is having a baby boy 6 months before me, and she has tons of clothes to hand down.  I thanked the Lord that Gracie is going to boss the life out of him. I laughed out loud thinking that I will have three children in elementary school at once.  

I refused to think, "I don't need to buy that stroller now."  I refused to give any credence to Google and all Google's definitions. Some may call that denial. I call it faith in the power of a living God.  

Around 2pm my phone rang, and the doctor was surprised that no one had called me yet - didn't they tell me yesterday? No. TELL ME WHAT?!?!? The first ultrasound gave me an estimated due date of February 5th based on the crown to rump measurement.  But the error happened because the doctor at that time entered the crown to rump measurement as the head measurement.  Essentially, the measurement was entered in the wrong field.

A typo.

A TYPO caused us 24 hours of agony.  

So, I am (as I thought originally) only 15 weeks along. The doctor stated they will still do a 20 week ultrasound to check development at that time, and generously stated that ultrasound will be on the house. Like they messed up my meal and gave me a free one or something :)

We are proud and so blessed to present Gabriel Anthony.  Due to arrive March 11, 2012 - our dateiversary.  Isn't God so good?