on being Mrs Lemon #2

(yes, I'm done cleaning now, thankyouverymuch)

I'd really like to blog about what's been on my heart, but it's ... touchy. I don't talk much about what it's been like adjusting to being a stepmom for a couple of reasons:

#1) Splenda reads my blog when she's at home (hey girly!)
#2) Mr Lemon's ex-wife also reads it and gripes at him if I so much as type the phrase "Mr Lemon's ex-wife." I hope she gets over that because I mean absolutely no harm by it. I don't know her, but reading my blog is completely voluntary and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to read it.

But the adjusting has been okay, I think. Sometimes it's harder to be patient with Splenda when I'm not feeling so great. And since I tend to overanalyze every word that comes out of my mouth and agonize if I can come up with any kind of reason that it could be possibly misconstrued, sometimes I spend the whole next week after she's been here for the weekend asking Mr Lemon what could I have done differently.

I'm learning to relax. Mr Lemon has known Splenda all her life. He knows what he is doing. We will probably parent our joint children differently than he and her mom did simply because I am a different person.

And I have come to understand that I don't need to try so hard to even temporarily replace her mother when she's with us for the weekend. She has a mother already. I'm just extra. I like to joke with Mr Lemon (due to our short courtship time) that I got my wicked step-mother broom on clearance, but seriously, I try to keep the broom under wraps. I've tried to glean wisdom from some of the other ladies in my church who are either step-mothers themselves, or their children have step-mothers. I asked one lady in particular what bothered her the most about her three children going to visit their dad, his new wife, and baby - she said it really bothered her when their step-mom tried to BE their mom. That statement has echoed with me from time to time.

It's different for some of the other kids at church too. Sometimes they say "your mom and dad ... ooops, I mean Sis Mrs Lemon and your dad" and Splenda and I laugh. We're all three completely comfortable with her calling me by my first name and not Mom. I know that doesn't work for every family. I don't know if she will ever call my parents Nana and Pawpaw, but if she does, that's great. When Dad married my Mom, Sica and I were still very small, and it was definitely important that we called him Daddy, and his parents were Grandpa and Grandma.

So, almost 4 months into this, I find that I know a whole lot less than I thought I knew about being a step-mom, and more about being a good role model for our situation. You can't read a book, take an exam, and get your step-parent license. It warmed the cockles of my heart this past Sunday when Splenda asked me to fix her hair for church Sunday night. We're growing closer little by little. I think I expected her to just adore me from the start like I did my Dad, but every kid is different.

I don't know how to end a post like this, but that's just what's been on my heart lately.