I'm a control freak. I am high strung and quick tempered. I yell. I hold grudges. I take shortcuts and procrastinate. I am selfish with my "Liz" time. And if everyone would just do what I say to do the first time without arguing or second-guessing me, I would be absolutely, perfectly happy.
Basically, it's my world and you all get to live in it.
See? If that's what we actually wrote on our blogs, no one would read it because you can physically hear the readership plummet.
I've been learning some things about myself recently. Characteristics that I have desperately tried to justify, repress, shift the blame to others, gloss over with humor ... anything to fool myself into a smug sense of security in my own righteousness ...
Jeremiah penned, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"
Recently I confronted myself about my true feelings about a personal situation, and after several days of bursting into tears at the slightest wrong look from anyone, I realized: I forgive easily and freely when it comes to how I am treated. But if you mess with someone I value? You are dead to me.
That's terrible! Not even close to being Christ-like!
Why do I take a friend's pain so personally? What makes me so awesome that I should take it all on my shoulders? Who died and made me boss?!?!
I am not even close to having the answers for this, but let me tell you, my heart is being cut on by the Word lately. The Lord is remaking me and it is straight up uncomfortable.
Please forgive me and understand if I'm more silent than usual on the blog, because I don't feel very overcoming and clever right now.
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