My husband and I have been married 3 1/2 years. We have 3 kids, a house, and a plethora of toys and groceries and the dishes it takes to make those groceries into meals to contend with daily. We bicker like any married couple, but underneath is the fear born from tragedy that wonders, is this the one? the fight over who sweeps the kitchen the best? Does it really mean one person thinks the other person is not good enough as a spouse, or does it mean one person is simply pickier than the other? Is it this fight that will send us over the edge?
Sometimes I wonder where is that man I fell in love with over a Diet Coke at McDonald's? The hot guy who worked all night, then drove with me to meet my parents, and told me he loved me all on the second date? The one who moved an ancient dryer into the smallest laundry room possible without complaint? The guy who remembers our meetiversary, our dateiversary, our kissiversary ...
And then I look in the mirror and realize I'm still wearing the same clothes that the baby peed on that morning, and the shirt has snot on the sleeve from Zesty's temper tantrum, and I cleaned the bathrooms in that same get-up in the afternoon. It's after 11pm. The girl he fell in love with is hanging up neatly in the closet next to my special occasion outfits. But the girl he woke up with is more concerned with making sure the house doesn't stink, and the centerpieces are straight, and the ... and the ... and ...
There's way too much at stake to put the romance of marriage on the back burner. A little effort to not nag or pressure goes a long way. This new year I'll be reclaiming my marriage, one gentle and content word at a time.
5 comments:
Excellent.post.
Oh, can I suggest a Christmas gift for yourself/your marriage? I love love love this book - Romancing your Husband by Deborah White Smith, a wonderful Christian author. Her husband helped her write it, and there is also a Romancing your Wife book that he also had a part in - (they had come a long way in their marriage though you are in a normal place, for the record) - and these books are just so amazing and encouraging and full of little tiny insights. My husband didn't mind getting a book like that, though some are offended....so I suggest it for YOU to start with. :) I've given the set as a wedding present in the past - it's that good!
And NO, it's not to say that you're in a bad place....it's for exactly what you are describing! I think you'd love it!!
Ok first of all, WHAT? It's been 3.5 years already? Shut. Up.
Also, great post. You are so right on.
Good for you! It usually takes longer than 3.5 years to realize these sorts of things :) I remember my MIL once asked me if Mike ever saw me in anything except pajamas/comfy clothes, since I got home from work before he did and immediately changed. It offended me at the time, but then I realized she was right. I fixed up for the rest of the world, but not for him. So, I started wearing my pajamas for the rest of the world. KIDDING! Good luck with your resolution, I'm sure you will do great! We did the Love Dare book a year or so ago and it was great way to remember each other. Merry Christmas!
PS. The comment box won't let me post under my profile, but this is Andrea of the failed blog, Table of Three, I mean Four, no wait, FIVE.
Andrea - that was funny!! I didn't laugh too hard when I saw your announcement on FB lest my ovaries heard it. >;)
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