You can file this under Things I Wish Liz Had Never Shared With The Interweb, but I promise you, you'll never see your hymnbook in the same way again.
A few weeks ago when we were on our way up to Mt Vernon to throw Mom a surprise birthday party, it happened. I had to use the restroom in a Very Urgent Manner. I don't really have bathroom issues, I can use any bathroom above ground. But (I'm sorry, really) - it is private time. I do not like people joining me in the bathroom for conversations, or talking to me through the door, or any such nonsense. That was one thing Mr Lemon and I set in the foundation of our marriage just about five minutes after he proposed to me - no sharing of the bathroom time. Ever. There is no emergency bad enough that we as adults cannot hold it or go to the other bathroom. Let us keep a little mystery alive in the marriage, thankyouverymuch.
You will understand my situation here now. I was headed to the cruddiest gas station restroom this side of the world ... and I didn't get in there fast enough. A whole crowd of women must have been traveling together, because everyone in the two-stall bathroom knew each other except for me.
I'm containing (again, I apologize deeply) my agony at having to use the restroom with PEOPLE in HEARING DISTANCE - and then one of the stall occupants mentioned that the graffiti in HER stall was promoting Team Jacob. And the other lady piped up and said, "Mine says "Jesus is watching you"
A little disconcerting, but funny, and then it was my turn. All these other ladies are still talking about the "Jesus is watching you" graffiti, and one of the women mentioned that when she was a kid they used to entertain themselves in church by going through the hymnbook and reading the titles out loud and adding the phrase "In The Outhouse."
Y'all.
I was quaking with laughter, but then I couldn't use the bathroom because THE PEOPLE, they were TOO CLOSE, so I made Mr Lemon drive me across the street to a much nastier gas station bathroom, but quieter, so I could use the bathroom in peace and quiet.
And I have not stopped thinking of the song titles that we could have come up with as kids.
Sing Unto The Lord A New Song ... In The Outhouse
Jesus, Hold My Hand ... In The Outhouse
I'm Going Through IN THE OUTHOUSE
bwahahahahahaha!!!
My personal favorite for those of you with fiber issues is Blessed Assurance In The Outhouse. Anxious of mind? Peace Like A River In The Outhouse. Unity problems? The Church Triumphant In The Outhouse.
And it goes on and on ... take any Gaither song (bless their precious hearts) ... The Great Divide In The Outhouse ... Faith Unlocks The Door In The Outhouse ... Old Friends In The Outhouse ...
Come on. You know you want to chime in.
11 comments:
I simply cannot resist...
Abide With Me....in the outhouse.
Close to Thee...in the outhouse.
Eternal Rest...in the outhouse.
I Surrender All...in the outhouse.
Leave it there...in the outhouse.
And....(I cringe and laugh hysterically with this one):
Sound the Trumpet...in the outhouse.
Thank you for directing me here, via Facebook. I think that just the fact that "Jesus is watching you" while going potty is hilarious enough. Adding "in the outhouse" to the hymns is just over the edge insanity. Thank you for sharing. I did laugh out loud while reading this because I was thinking of hymns as soon as I read it... =)
Bwahahaha. That is hysterical!!
He Set Me Free In The Outhouse. Roflol. Thanks I needed a laugh!!
I am way too tired to come up with funny titles, but I do have to comment on your and Mr. Lemon's bathroom pact. My husband and I have a very similar pact. We are INSANELY private about that. It keeps the magic alive, I say. There are some things you spouse doesn't need to see :) You crack me up!
Now I am faced with a quandary...do I let my boys know this little trick? It might help them be a little quieter in church with such an activity. And then it might mean even more raucous laughter coming from our pew....hmmmm. It could be a very dangerous weapon in the hands of two gradeschool boys, no?
Truly hilarious.
Ditto the bathroom pact. I just had someone post on my Facebook account that the sign of being married a long time was using the bathroom in front of one another. I quite promptly said that was one sign that wasn't happenin' in THIS house. Just sayin'.
This is waaay too funny! I miss you and your humor!!
Misty D.
Awesome!!! And, I am right there with you in regards to takin' care of business in private!!
Mrs. NB
I didn't know it as "In the outhouse", I played that game as 'between the sheets'.... learned that in Bible college, go figure. I'll let your imagination run wild with that one, I really don't want to paint any pictures... although your title sounds lovely. ;)
I'm totally with you on the bathroom is private time, and I ABHORE it when someone tries to talk to me through the stall.
and yes, I'm still formulating that response via email to one of your previous posts.
You know I loves me some outhouse humor!
How about these:
Give The World A Smile Today... In the outhouse
To Him Who Sits On The Throne...In the outhouse.
Deeper, Deeper...In the outhouse.
Just A Closer Walk with Thee...In the outhouse.
Learning to Lean.. In the outhouse.
And possibly the worst,
Come & Dine... In the outhouse.
I can't believe it! I happened upon your blog from another blog and this is SO hysterical. Especially because my best friend and I use to play this in church, but we used "In a Bathtub" instead of outhouse. The city girl version!
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